Forecast at Four

It’s a volatile day in the city

According to our Channel Ten Weathercam

Needy people are rushing from bar to bar

Starting wildfires with their smiling teeth

Generating static with blown-dry hair so take care today

To avoid metal objects such as coins

And knives.

Expect a white hail to fall beneath the pigeon cloud

On 81st Street so cover your convertibles

A delectable southern smog will eclipse Chuck’s Bar B Que

You can brave it but with an allergy index of 172 we recommend ordering in

There will be a cold snap approaching St. Agnes who will respond in kind

And we’ve found a hurricane

So my correspondent in the field can enjoy shouting with painful joy

Or joyous pain over a snaredrum of rain on plastic sheeting

While clinging to a palm tree

Her very favorite way to spend a Friday.

There’s a seventy percent chance of chances.

Beware of drinking straws piercing oranges on your television set during the 4:16 break.

Tonight the moon will be full and so will you

And in approximately an hour I will be far from here

A streak of slick hair flashing from downtown to the suburbs

At approximately 59 miles per hour

A warm front approaching my dogs

A host of tornadoes will spring from their tails and frisk

The area between Interstates 12 and 14

The moondog will chase the sundog but they’ll both stay leashed to their orbits

So hang on to your remote, your brittle perch on this blue marble

And as long as it spins and spins

We’ll be your friends

Here on News Channel Ten.

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