It’s a volatile day in the city
According to our Channel Ten Weathercam
Needy people are rushing from bar to bar
Starting wildfires with their smiling teeth
Generating static with blown-dry hair so take care today
To avoid metal objects such as coins
Expect a white hail to fall beneath the pigeon cloud
On 81st Street so cover your convertibles
A delectable southern smog will eclipse Chuck’s Bar B Que
You can brave it but with an allergy index of 172 we recommend ordering in
There will be a cold snap approaching St. Agnes who will respond in kind
And we’ve found a hurricane
So my correspondent in the field can enjoy shouting with painful joy
Or joyous pain over a snaredrum of rain on plastic sheeting
While clinging to a palm tree
Her very favorite way to spend a Friday.
There’s a seventy percent chance of chances.
Beware of drinking straws piercing oranges on your television set during the 4:16 break.
Tonight the moon will be full and so will you
And in approximately an hour I will be far from here
A streak of slick hair flashing from downtown to the suburbs
At approximately 59 miles per hour
A warm front approaching my dogs
A host of tornadoes will spring from their tails and frisk
The area between Interstates 12 and 14
The moondog will chase the sundog but they’ll both stay leashed to their orbits
So hang on to your remote, your brittle perch on this blue marble
And as long as it spins and spins
We’ll be your friends
Here on News Channel Ten.